Fearing Failure No More

At the start of 2019, I set a goal to pursue new things. I wanted to pursue passions of mine that I have never tried, I wanted to pursue deeper relationships with people, but most importantly, I wanted to pursue getting outside of my comfort zone. Growing up, my comfort zone was where I lived. Being outside of my comfort zone is something I never enjoyed. It has caused me great amounts of anxiety and fear. Doing something new or unfamiliar takes me out of my comfort zone because I fear failure and rejection. Over the years I have grown in my ability to face the adversity that my anxiety brings, but when it comes to fear, I cannot say the same. I have allowed myself to slip into circumstances at just the right time where I do not have to face this fear of failure or rejection. 

Failure and rejection have often become synonymous because rejection, to me, is failure. I care what people think, but I don’t let people know that. In fact, I feel that I put on a very good front of “not caring what people think.” But deep down, I do actually care. When rejection hits, hurt hits even harder. Then I get angry, but I don’t show that anger because I don’t want to hurt other people or make them feel like they’ve hurt me. I have learned recently that a tactic I use when I feel hurt or rejected is my dry humor and sarcasm which of course can be hurtful towards other people. All of this stemming from my fear of being rejected, or simply failing at all. 

All of these are simply thoughts in my head. The crazy thing is, I have yet to experience legitimate failure or rejection from the pursuit of something new in 2019. And I cannot say that I have experienced anything monumental in my lifetime that should tell me I should never try something new or pursue something I am passionate about. I have supportive parents, supportive family, and supportive friends. I also love teaching and telling others how important failure actually is in life. Without failure, we don’t learn. Without failure, we don’t see how we can improve on something the next time. Yet here I am, writing the first draft of this on March 17, 2019 and who knows when I will find the confidence to share these thoughts of mine. 

I can give others really good advice, but I can’t take my own. If I can coach and motivate others to pursue their passions and applaud them as they move past their fears and anxieties. Then why do I find myself hitting a wall when I have things that I want to pursue whether it be for the first time or on a deeper level? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done things outside of my comfort zone in my lifetime. I never thought I’d go off to college and be as successful as I was. I did not apply myself in high school and it was a battle to accomplish things on time. Yet in college I never submitted things late, I graduated on time, and had a solid GPA. When I say I never thought I could go off to college on my own I mean that there were legitimate fears and anxieties that would give me anxiety attacks just thinking about going off and being on my own. But here I am, almost 2 years post-graduation, now married and still living on my own. 

So here is what I have learned as I reflect and am writing this up. I have faced fears. I’ve fought them, I’ve battled through them, and I’ve come out victorious on many occasions. Many times it has been a long fought battle. Why does it always take so much time? Do I lack confidence? Do I lack ability? Or maybe, it comes down to my understanding of how important failure is. I mentioned it earlier; failure helps us learn and helps us grow. I have avoided trying new things because I have been afraid of failing or being rejected. But maybe, and this might sound crazy, I should pursue failure. Maybe I should seek it out so that I can learn and grow on an even greater scale. Now if you’re reading this and getting confused that I would seek to fail, let me clarify. What I really mean is that I should start pursuing new things and diving deeper into passions of mine with an understanding that failure can occur, but it will only help me learn and grow more. 

There is a youtube channel that I have been following for quite some time called “Yes Theory.” The basic premise behind their channel is that they say yes to things in order to get outside of their comfort zone. They do things that many people say no to their entire life, and they also go out and convince strangers to face some of their biggest fears. Every time I would watch one of their videos, I would be inspired to do something outside of my comfort zone. Did I ever actually do something? No. I stayed within my boundaries of comfort, which has not allowed myself to grow. I truly admire the guys in Yes Theory’s ability to say yes almost immediately to things way outside of their comfort zone. But I would imagine that the ability to say yes did not come easy. It probably took months, if not years to develop this passion to pursue things that cause them fear and take them outside of their comfort zone. 

Would you like to know what my comfort zone is? It is staying within the limits of what I already know. The things that I have already experienced and am already familiar with is where I like to live. I don’t like the unfamiliar, but I do admire the opportunity to grow that the areas of unfamiliarity can bring. It is time for me to jump into the unfamiliar territories. It is time for me to become vulnerable and face my fear of failure. To face the fear that people may reject what I write or what I have to say, that it may not be up to par with what people may think is worthy or excellent. But in that fear, in the area that is unfamiliar to me, there is so much growth waiting to happen. There is so much for me to learn. 

If you are reading this and you are anything like me, let me encourage you to reflect. Reflect on areas of life that you have found success in your battles with fears of failure. Find one victory to celebrate. I don’t care how big or small you think it is, if you can call it a victory in your life, it is a huge victory. When you find that victory, ride the thoughts of achievement as far as you can take them, and I hope that it takes you to your next battle with your fear of failure and brings you right through it. Fight any temptation you may have to look at any failures in a negative light. If your mind takes you to a failure, take the opportunity to think about all that you have learned from that failure, and see how you have grown since then. Do not allow yourself to view failure as a negative anymore. Reframe how you view failure. Failure is not the end of something, it is the beginning of growth.

If you have taken the time to read this I want to thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable. Thank you for allowing me to face a fear of mine and tackle it head on. My hope in writing this is to not only face one of my biggest fears, but to inspire someone else to do the same. I ask that moving forward you hold me accountable to facing my fears, and continuing to write on pieces that I am passionate about and want to inform others on. In writing this I have learned a lot about myself. There is so much still to learn, and so many ways to grow. I have heard the saying, “failure is not an option,” but I think from here on out, failure might be an option, and that is okay.